Every year Mother’s Day is quite bittersweet. As I’ve discussed in the past, the loss of my mother to suicide when I was 11 years old has been one of the most influential factors in my life. It has driven me to excel in my career and become a better person but also caused me immeasurable pain, sorrow, and confusion for decades. After nearly 30 years, I finally sought help about 6 years ago and I have come to terms with much of what happened. I still miss my mother, but am thankful for all that she has indirectly given me.
In June of 2019, my good friend Christopher Thibdeau asked me to join him in an “Out of the Darkness” overnight walk fundraiser in Boston that was to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). The event is a 16 mile walk that starts at dusk and goes through the night. Funds are raised to benefit the AFSP. That night in Boston was life-changing and has helped me better cope with my loss, realize how many people had similar stories, and also helped me find a way that I would be able to help give back. The AFSP has become my calling for the kind charity work I wanted to be a part of to help others learn about suicide prevention.
On June 24, 2021 I will be again participating in the AFSO Overnight walk. Due to the pandemic, the event will be “virtual” so instead I will be creating my own course in my local area and will walk 16 miles through the night to raise money for the AFSP. I started this fundraiser in April on Facebook with an initial goal of $500. I quickly met and surpassed that goal, and have raised my goal to $1000. To date I am at $775 and am looking to meet my goal before the end of May. Can you please help me reach my goal?
I am so grateful for all of the family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances who have made generous donations to my AFSP fundraisers. Thank you for your continued support!
This Mother’s Day I am extremely thankful for my wife, Stacy, who is an amazing stepmother to our boys and to her mother, Denice, for embracing me as her son and the boys as her step grandchildren. I am also celebrating the lives of my mom and my grandmother “Grammy” Laux who helped raise and nurture me.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the amazing moms out there! I hope you have a fantastic day!
Learn more about AFSP
Please visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to learn more about the organization or about how you can get help or how you can help others in need. https://afsp.org.
\Well, 2020 sure has been something special, hasn’t it? This year has made a significant impact on just about everyone and its effects will be felt for many years to come. Regardless of the pandemic’s negative impact on my daily life and future plans, I’ve worked hard to remain as positive and optimistic as possible. I’ve tried to see the good in every situation, stay focused on what is important, and reject the negativity. Doing this hasn’t been easy and there have been lots of ups and downs.
Our ability to have social interactions with family, friends, colleagues and my students hasn’t been the same since March. When I wrote my last blog post on April 1, I had no idea I’d be writing about “surviving” this pandemic at the end of November! And the most difficult part is having to accept the fact that it will be with us for quite a while longer. I remain hopeful that we will overcome the virus earlier than anticipated by the release of vaccines which have been showing great promise in their early stages. I do understand that these things take time and the vaccines aren’t a miracle cure. I know it will be a while until COVID-19 is truly a thing of the past.
The thing I miss most during this pandemic is interacting with people. I miss the daily face to face interaction with my colleagues and students at school and seeing people at meetings and conferences. I miss having all of my students in class together to learn and create beautiful music. I miss shaking hands, dishing out high fives, giving hugs, and being able to look people in the eye (and I don’t mean on Zoom, Google Meet, or Teams!). I also miss being able to do things in groups — attending gatherings, concerts, sporting events, etc.
I feel fortunate that I have been able to hang out with a small group of friends and family, but even that has been within a very limited capacity. I am grateful for the quarantined time I have with my family, and in an odd way, I hope the pandemic has made all of us appreciate our time together even more. I am grateful for my family and our continued health and safety.
I am EXTREMELY grateful for April 10, 2020. That’s the day Stacy and I were married! While we were originally prepared to have our wedding on April 17, we quickly postponed it to October 3 once the virus became a pandemic. A few weeks later, the pandemic brought about even more uncertainty into our lives so we decided to push up our wedding date and spontaneously tie the knot via Zoom. It was a beautiful day and we had a lovely small ceremony in our front yard. I was grateful that we were able to have a large number of friends and family Zoom in to witness our unity. I am grateful that my good friend David Eccles offered to serve as our officiant and help make our ceremony extra special. While we were saddened that we could not have the reception/celebration we wanted, we are still hopeful that we will be able to celebrate this on our one year anniversary in 2021. Time will tell, but we are excited for when that day finally arrives!
So, while 2020 has been attributed to a lot of negativity, the anniversary of our marriage is one day I will remember and be able to celebrate forever. I am so fortunate to have Stacy in my life — she is a person who is tremendously kind, caring, selfless, and supportive. She is an incredible stem-mom to our boys and we all cherish her more than she knows.
School/Work
The school year started out 100 percent virtual and I feel my district did a really good job of transitioning students in to face to face (F2F) learning. Students and parents have a choice to remain remote or come to school F2F. Currently, I see only a fraction of my students F2F — just about 15% of them decided to return. The sizes of my F2F classes range from just 2 students to my largest class of 7. This is extremely difficult for me and my students, as we are used to 30-50 students per class! I miss my students greatly. Their absence and the lack of spontaneous music-making has had a dramatic impact on my overall happiness at school. I am, however, extremely grateful for the students I do have in class and have really enjoyed getting to know them on a more personal level. Regularly I worry that I am not able to give my students my absolute best and that I’m unable to provide the experience that they want and need. Just before this Thanksgiving break, I received some really kind notes from several of my students. Those sincere notes of kindness really mean the world to me and keep me going. They reassure me that I am making a difference, even though some days it feels like I am not. I am honestly doing my best and putting in as much effort as I can. I am trying to be optimistic about the future and the hope that we will be able to unite and play together again sometime next semester.
I worry greatly about my students who are home learning remotely. I know many of them are struggling with school and staying organized. I know many don’t have the opportunity to be social. I know many of them are taking shortcuts to do their assignments or cheating on tests because they have the power of the internet at their fingertips. I fear that remote learning is breeding a new level of laziness and apathy with our youth and having a drastic, negative impact on their mental health. Also, there are so many distractions that prevent students from focusing. I just hope we can get students back to normal soon so all of this does not become a life-long habit.
As an adult, I can’t really fully comprehend how difficult it must be for a child or young adult to cope with being quarantined. I know that some of my students have lost all motivation and some are simply making the choice not to actively participate in class. All I can do is continuously remind them daily how much I care, do my best to motivate them, and set a good example. I try to encourage them to go outside, stay active, and be healthy both physically and mentally. I remind them that good physical and mental health are closely correlated. I have been extremely understanding and empathetic with my students, knowing that some may be in very difficult circumstances personally, socially, financially, etc. Some of my star students have not done well during remote learning and it’s disheartening to see the degradation of their drive, motivation, and attention to detail.
My good friend, Scott Liard, who also teaches high school orchestra, wrote a public letter to his students on his blog. I could essentially replicate his letter, change the school name references, and it would tell my students exactly how I feel. (Thank you, Scott!) So I will sum it up… To my students: Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. I appreciate you and care about you. I am sorry you are being forced into such a difficult scenario. You don’t deserve it but I know we can get through this together. I’m doing my best and I am here for you.
I know many educators feel the way I do, but I also know that some are in different situations. Some teachers have large classes of F2F students. This situation may cause teachers to be afraid of becoming infected, cause them to feel helpless, or even make them quit teaching altogether. I worry about the future of the teaching profession.
I am grateful for my amazing colleagues at Alpharetta High School and in Fulton County who have been absolutely incredible throughout this time. While we haven’t had a F2F faculty meeting, you can feel the unity and sincerity of both faculty and administration even via Microsoft Teams! The care and support I have witnessed coming from my administration and colleagues have been incredible. It is an honor to be able to work and grow with such a fantastic group of people and I just love how we are all there for each other!! Thank you, friends!!
Hope for Unity
The events that have unfolded this year, including the recent election have been so dividing for our country and, unfortunately, have distanced me from some people in my life, including those that I love and will continue to love. This makes me very sad. I do my best to remain respectful, neutral, and non-confrontational when it comes to events, politics, affiliations, etc., although I have not been perfect. I am concerned about how the division will impact social circles, families, and our nation as a whole going forward. It is my hope that we will all be able to begin being civil, accepting, and respectful toward one another to allow for unity. Unity makes us all stronger and happier. Easier said than done, I know.
I see a lot of anger, hate, and negative energy being thrown around on social media. I see a lot of fake news and people spreading it to support the agenda that they want to believe is correct, even if there is no evidence. As an academic, I believe in reason, science, and research-based practices. I make every effort to read balanced news and try to look at both sides before making my decisions. I try to be mindful, respect others, and keep my business to myself. Again, I’ve made mistakes and have owned up to them.
Regardless of who wins/loses this election or any election, the world will continue to spin and life will move on. You are in charge of your life, not anyone else. Only you can make choices that determine the outcome of your life and choices that determine your happiness. Believing this is not being naive, “in denial,” or “living in a fantasy world,” it is about creating the world that you want to create through positive thinking, perspective gratitude, hope, and optimism.
I understand that all of this may be easy for me to say and do. It’s not. My life hasn’t been all roses. I haven’t always won every battle I’ve faced. I’ve had to work hard and fight to overcome adversity and other internal and external barriers that have been in my way. I still do. But I feel that it is important to continue to carry myself in a positive manner, be a good role model, and care about others through genuine sincerity and empathy. Everyone has their own story to tell.
Determined Optimism
I was deeply inspired by an article in People magazine interviewing Michael J. Fox, one of my favorite actors who played the legendary Marty McFly in my favorite movie of all time, Back to the Future. As most of you know, Michael has been fighting Parkinson’s disease for a long time and had several other difficult, life-altering events happen to him. Despite all of his obstacles and hurdles, Michael talks about how he still loves his life and about he can stay optimistic, regardless of what has happened or what will/could happen. He describes it as “determined optimism.” He states that optimism is rooted in gratitude and that it is only sustainable when you continuously refer back to gratitude. When something bad happens, you should seek out what you are grateful for and that will allow for optimism. The last step is acceptance — you move on and keep going.
I encourage you to reject the negativity in your lives. Distance yourself from those who demonstrate hypocrisy, jealousy, anger, and spite. These people and their emotions can be the kryptonite that prevents you from staying positive and optimistic. As I look ahead to the winter, the pandemic is running wild and worse now than ever. I have faith that an end is coming and life will someday be “back to normal.” Until then continue to be grateful for everything you can and it will help you to stay positive and be optimistic about the future.
I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving and holiday season! Peace and joy!
The idea to develop a “soundtrack of your life” was given to me by my friend and colleague, Shawn Morton, who gave it as a distance learning assignment for her students recently. She asked her students to choose five important life events, write a paragraph about it, then find music that would serve as the soundtrack for that event. So, after reading Shawn’s Facebook post last night, I got up early this morning with this on my mind!
I’m also posting this as an example for my students because I’m soon going to make this an assignment for them later this month. For me, I’m calling it “The Soundtrack of My Youth.” but for my students, the project will be called “Soundtrack of my life” because their youth is all they know. So young!
The time in quarantine has really allowed me to reflect and think about many things, including the memories I have and what I am grateful for. It is such a difficult task to narrow down just five live events, memories, or people from my youth. But here is a (very small) snapshot of the “Soundtrack of my youth.”
Mom
While my mother was only with me for a short part of my life, there are many memories, some vivid and some foggy, that I can recall in our time together before she took her own life in July of 1986.
I vividly remember my mom singing many songs of The Supremes, and in particular, “Where Did Our Love Go”. This most often happened in the car and she would get very energetic and happy. I remember her fondness of The Beatles, and while I wasn’t a fan of them (or really just unaware of them) while she was alive, I think I owe my continued love of the music of The Beatles to her. One memory that I will never forget…. When I was just five years old I remember her crying in the car the day (or possibly the day after) John Lennon was shot and murdered on December 8, 1980. I remember her sadness and her trying to explain to me who John Lennon was. To this day, the music of John Lennon strikes home with me in so many ways. I hold all of the music of The Beatles, John Lennon, and Paul McCartney very close to my heart.
WINNER: The Supremes: Where Did Our Love Go (1964)
RUNNER UP: Beatles: In My Life (1965)
Growing up in the 80’s
The 80’s were weird but they were the times when I was most formidable and it was the decade that essentially shaped my youth. There’s so much good and bad that happened in my life in the 80’s, but I wouldn’t want it any other way! This music brings back so many memories and there are songs that draw up some very specific events. It’s still my favorite.
During this time I obviously experienced the popular music of the day, but also got into heavy metal/hard rock (Twisted Sister, Mötley Crüe, Quiet Riot, etc.) and rap (Run D.M.C., Beastie Boys, N.W.A). But in the late 80’s I was also receiving classical music training through my violin and school orchestra. While I was discovering and exploring some of the masterpieces of classical music, it was far less exposure than I was getting to popular music. Without school orchestra I would have never had the opportunity to learn about classical music.
So, for the 80’s, if I had to sum it up just one song, it would be with Simple Minds’ “Don’t You (Forget About Me).” This song really captures the spirit, mood, and culture of the 80’s to me. Also, The Breakfast Club is one of my favorite 80’s movies, even though it was far beyond what I should have been able to watch as a kid!
WINNER: Simple Minds: Don’t You (Forget About Me)
RUNNER UP: Beastie Boys: (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)
WINNING ALBUM: Van Halen: 1984 (1984)
Boating
Boating on Lake Erie and a camping/boat along the Allegheny Reservoir near Kinzua Dam were some of the most memorable times of my youth. The water, the breeze, and the sun all remain in my vivid memory. I think this is why boating has once again become such an important part of my life and my relaxation.
Growing up we had a 19 foot 1971 Glastron boat that had an 8-track player installed. I remember playing Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors album and Christopher Cross’s self-titled debut album over and over. The interesting thing about an 8-track is that fast-forwarding or rewinding wasn’t an option (at least for us) so we mainly listened to it all the way through. Hence, this is why I have two full albums and not an individual song. Rumors, much like the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, is a work of art that is considered a whole rather than a collection of individual songs. Rumors has to be one of the best albums of all time.
WINNER: Fleetwood Mac: Rumors album (ALL) (1977)
RUNNER UP: Christopher Cross (1979)
Grammy
My grandmother (Grammy) , Dorothea Laux, was one of the most influential people in my life. Her passing in 2003 was one of the most challenging losses I have ever encountered. She taught me a lot about life, but mostly I learned how to laugh and how to be joyful. Yes, she did spoil me, but that wasn’t the reason I loved her so much. It was her spirit, her warmth, and the way she cared so much about me. Grammy had a turntable with a whole bunch of her favorite vinyl albums including Kenny Rogers, The Oak Ridge Boys, and others. She also had the greatest hits album of Jim Croce’s and one of our favorite songs to listen together was Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown. This song is fun, upbeat, and always made us laugh and smile. My runner up piece is Cat Steven’s Morning Has Broken. This song was selected by my dad to be played at Grammy’s funeral and that memory has stuck with me since then.
WINNER: Jim Croce: Bad Bad Leroy Brown (1973)
RUNNER-UP: Cat Stevens: Morning Has Broken (1972)
High School
High School had its ups and downs. Mainly, I felt like I was trying to figure everything out in life. But music, both listening and making music by playing my violin, helped me get through. I owe a lot to music and orchestra for providing me with a focus and a purpose. I have no idea what I would be doing today without the musical opportunities I was provided.
It was during my high school years that I discovered the complete works of The Beatles along with John Lennon’s solo works, thanks to my long-time friend, Jessica (French) Hill. I remember hanging out with her, just listening to music, and being blown away. I remember the first time I heard Abbey Road, Sgt. Pepper’s, and The White Album. I had no idea about these amazing works and am thankful for this time we were able to share together! I also loved the time hanging with one of my very best friends, Andy Huntoon, and remember listening to Tom Petty’s album Full Moon Fever, U2’s Joshua Tree (and many others) in between our violin practice sessions. I’ll never forget the time spent at his house — his family always made me feel so special and welcome. (Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Huntoon!)
But, when I hear Bryan Adams’ Everything I Do, it just strikes high school memories. It was just a popular song during my senior year. Bryan Adams music in general brings back lots of great memories and it was great to be able to share that with my family when we saw him live last summer. He still sounds amazing and puts on an awesome show. Bryan Adams is now one of my youngest son’s favorites!
WINNER: Bryan Adams: Everything I Do (I Do It for You) (1991)
RUNNER UP: Tom Petty: Free Fallin’ (1989)
So that’s a very small snapshot of the “soundtrack of my youth.” The topics are the things that first came to my mind.
What’s the soundtrack of your life? I’d love to hear it!
I’ve been a recreational runner for some time now and started running around 2006 as a way to get in shape, burn built-up energy, and relieve stress. Over the years I have increased my running ability, however, I have been on and off depending on work schedules, weather, family engagements, motivation, etc. When I was in high school, I could barely run a mile. Every time I would be forced to run “the mile” in gym class, I would end up walking a large portion of it. I always wondered how my friends could do it so easily and was envious that they would always finish before me. It turns out that running a mile straight was simply a feat I didn’t think I could accomplish. I simply never believed in myself that it was something I could do well. Since then, I’ve realized a lot about life and what it takes to accomplish goals. I know now that a lot of what it takes to achieve goals is having a proper mindset. Since I started running, I’ve been a lot more confident and, overall, healthier. I’ve kept up my motivation by registering for races that force me to stick with it, even when times are busy.
I ran my first half marathon in 2015 and since then have run a lot more races, including the infamous “triple peach” series each year since then. The triple peach is the Peachtree Road Race, the world’s largest 10k held each fourth of July, the Atlanta 10 miler held each October, and the Thanksgiving Day Half Marathon. I just registered for my 6th Triple peach yesterday! There have been a few times where I haven’t been able to train properly, however, I have never skipped a race. Regardless of the circumstance (or excuse!), I would go out and run no matter what. My mental determination allows me to participate in a race, even a half marathon, without defined training. While this is not my preferred way to run, it says a lot about mindset. In high school, that single mile that used to give me anxiety and a feeling of hopelessness. Now, I can get up and run (maybe walk just a little) 13.1 miles without fear or hesitation. I know I can do it, and there isn’t much that can stop me. For me, it’s mind over matter. What is your “mile”? What are the roadblocks that are holding you back?
When I was going through some of the roughest times in my life a few years ago, I was in the best physical shape of my life. I was eating a lot less (stress-related), and working out and running a ton. But besides this, I had a drive toward fitness and running, because I didn’t really have anything else to focus on besides work and taking care of my boys. On the days that I didn’t have my boys, I would do yard work, work out, and work out more. I used exercising and playing my bass guitar as my therapy to get through tough times.
The other day I went for an early morning run running in my neighborhood. I was out before sunrise and was able to watch the sun creep up as I was completing my run. I love being able to do this! One of the first things that I realized about running in Georgia is that it is way more difficult compared to Ohio because of the hilly terrain. It can be quite a challenge. How I long for the day where I can run a half marathon on a FLAT course! I don’t like running up hills and never felt like I was good at it. Most recently, I haven’t been running as much as I would like so I’ve definitely been walking up most hills I’ve come across.
As we have been going through these uncertain times due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I thought to myself how the hills are symbolic of our lives and the ups and downs we have as we journey through it. During my run, I thought about all of the great moments I have had in my life professionally and personally. I thought about what I’ve been most proud of and what’s brought me joy. I also thought about some of the hardest moments and how difficult those times were for me. I looked back to times of fear, anger, disparity, and sorrow. Most importantly, I thought about how great I feel now because I was able to stay focused, stay positive, and worked to get through the hard times to triumph in the end.
That day, I decided to run up every hill I came across. It was hard, but I pushed myself to do it. On several of the larger hills, I pushed even harder. I didn’t think I would be able to do it, but I did. When I got to the top of the hill I felt amazing. Tired, yes, but I felt like a winner and that I could accomplish anything. Side note: I always think about how Rocky felt when he finally was able to run up the stairs of the library in Philadelphia. While it may seem cheesy, if you know anything about me, I love the story of Rocky. It has been an inspirational story for me and one that I consider an important parallel in my life. If you are feeling like you can’t do something, just watch Rocky.
I know my journey is not over. There will be times when things aren’t 100 percent good, but I am prepared to deal with them when they should arise. I know I will have my ups and downs, my good days and bad days, or, even sometimes, my good weeks and bad weeks. I am strong and will not let negativity take me down. I’m ready to continue the challenge!
Be Thankful
The most important thing we can do is to remain positive and thankful for what we DO have. Gratitude goes a long way. While I could easily get down and stay negative about not being able to work, canceled professional opportunities, or the cancelation of personal activities and travel, I instead have been focusing on the positive and trying to see the good in everything.
I am in a wonderful teaching position where I have fantastic students, great facilities and funding, supportive parents and administration, and colleagues who are fun and collaborative. While I am not able to attend my workplace, I am thankful that I belong to a school district that values distance learning and that we have been afforded the technology that makes learning online possible. I am working hard each day to be creative and collaborative to try to provide my students with opportunities that will motivate them and be enjoyable for them. It’s not the same as playing in orchestra class, but I am doing the best I can in this situation.
I have a family that means everything to me. My two boys are healthy, happy, and a ton of fun. I have loved watching them grow physically and mentally and look forward to every opportunity I have to be with them. I’m so proud of who my boys are and the young men they will grow up to be. I also have a fiancé whom I love dearly. I learn something from her nearly every day and we are each other’s yin and yang, balancing each other’s emotions and temperament. Our wedding, scheduled for mid-April, had to be postponed due to COVID-19. It was tough to do this, and we lost a lot of sleep over the decision. But, we knew this was not the time that we wanted to celebrate coming together, and we certainly did not want to put any of our family at risk to be sick. We have learned that we need to be patient and let things happen as they will. God has a plan! We are excited about the future and have already made a plan to tie the knot in October. It will be worth the wait and I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with her!
The COVID-19 outbreak has turned all of our lives upside down. Much of what we knew as normal and took for granted is now forbidden. Some of the things that mean the most to us (spending time with others, congregating, etc.) are not allowed. While I am thankful for my immediate and extended family and friends are all healthy, it is tough not to be able to see them and have face-to-face conversations. Online chat just isn’t the same, but it’s helping. More on this later.
Be Resilient
We will get through the pandemic of COVID-19 and will come out even stronger than we were in the past. The financial state of our country will recover. Most importantly, once this is over I am hoping people will come away even more appreciative of what they have, especially in regards to people and relationships.
Social distancing is difficult! I have actually found that staying busy has been good therapy. I’m treating this time as an opportunity rather than a punishment. I have enjoyed learning new technology and creating new resources for my students and other string/orchestra teachers to use. I’ve had a lot more time for old-fashioned, low-tech family time that has been awesome – monopoly, chess, nerf guns. I’ve even picked up a book to read. This is NOT me! (Note: I’m reading The Cycle of Self Empowerment by Dom Famularo. It’s really a great book and is giving me even more positive ideas.) I’ve spent a lot more time outside walking and in the yard. I’ve come up with new ideas for future projects. What opportunities are you taking? How are you spending your time?
Family time!
I do understand that there are many people and families that are struggling to make ends meet right now. There are many out of work and paychecks have stopped. Kids are home from school, trying to adapt to learning remotely. In my virtual meetings with my students, I’ve received some tough questions that I really can’t answer. I really feel for my students because they are missing so much. Many of my students rely on attending school to provide personal fulfillment and now they are without it. I am particularly worried about my seniors. Events like their senior prom, their last spring concert, and their high school graduation are now in question. My heart breaks for them because I know they’ve been waiting for and looking forward to these moments for a long time. We are still uncertain about what the future will hold.
Many parents are trying to work from home while their children are attending school sessions. It is a stressful time and we are all trying to figure out what the new “normal” is all about and how we will make it work. We are uncertain about how long this will last and what life will look like when it is gone. Will we be able to go back to how life used to be? Or will COVID-19 change life as we know it?
As I have mentioned before on this blog, staying positive and staying strong are the keys to getting through tough times. It is important to always seek out the positive and refrain from dwelling on the negative. We need to focus on what is good now without trying to compare it to what used to be. Also, we should not live in fear of the future. These things are not always easy to do, but if you really look deeply at your life, you can find and thrive on positivity. Staying positive will help everyone realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Seeking and Offering Assistance
The news is filled with negativity. While some of the information may be beneficial in keeping you and your family safe and healthy, if you spend your day watching the news or on social media, you might never realize the positive things that are right there in front of you.
It is important to continue to have positive relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. Don’t be afraid to reach out (virtually!) to those who may be able to help you or to those whom you may be able to help. Over the last few weeks, I’ve met with students in large and small groups on Zoom and Google Meet. I’ve enjoyed answering their questions and, when necessary, playing/demonstrating for them. It’s nice to see their faces.
I’ve hung out with friends and colleagues online for virtual meetings and happy hours. While not the same as face-to-face interaction, these virtual meetings have helped fulfill my need to be with others and brought me joy. As we continue our social distancing, I’m going to be reaching out to even more people to make sure they are okay and, in some cases, reconnect if it has been a while. Friends, feel free to reach out to me if you want to chat.
All of us need to stick together to get through this. I have hope and so should you. It is my hope that you will all stay safe, happy, and healthy. I wish you and your family the very best. We’ve got this!
I found this little sticky note on social media. It’s a good daily reference.
I’ve taken some time to myself this weekend to reflect on my life and it’s amazing what some time will do. Three years ago I was forced to start a new life journey after being left on my own. It was not easy. I had been betrayed and abandoned by a person who vowed to stick with me through thick and thin. This time in my life was particularly difficult because I knew that it meant it would reduce the time I was able to spend with my boys and would change our family relationship.
I totally agree with the quote, “I believe that sometimes the bad times in our life put us on a direct path to the very best times in our life.” This has proven true in just about every negative impact in my life. As I have mentioned on this blog previously, I used my mother’s passing as a catalyst to help provide clear direction and purpose to a career path that I absolutely love. Along with lots of dedication and hard work, I have excelled in my profession for over 24 years and don’t foresee any change in my passion for teaching. Fast forward to today, and in particular, the past twelve to eighteen months.
I am now truly happy and have so much joy in my life both at home and at work. I have my health and my family is healthy. I have two growing boys who continuously amaze me with their smarts, their love, and their wit. While I do not get to see them every day, I cherish the time that I have with them and try to provide a positive home where they learn, play, and will become awesome young adults.
For two years now, I have an incredible companion, Stacy, who is kind, fun, loving, and teaches me a lot about being a great human, father, and friend. Relationships are not easy and each person must continuously give and take to make it work. I think we have attained a great balance and we continue to enjoy each other’s company more and more. In a healthy relationship, good communication is one of the main ingredients and this is a huge factor in our success. Stacy is also an amazing parent figure for the boys and loves them as if they were her own. The boys have really taken to her and love having her as an integral part of our family. I am so grateful for Stacy and all of her amazing qualities — love, strength, compassion, persistence. We are one and make each other better and stronger.
Do I have life completely figured out? Hardly! Is my life perfect? No way. There isn’t such a thing. I always feel like I am a bit backed up with school work, the house is sometimes messy, I’m a few pounds heavier than I’d like to be, my car hasn’t been washed, I don’t have enough time to complete projects, etc. etc. Who cares?? I am in a wonderful place in my life and make an honest effort to appreciate each day. I am grateful for all that I have and the opportunities I am afforded.
There are always going to be ups and downs in life, and this is normal. Everyone has to work at it. And we must choose to be happy – nothing will make you happy, at least not genuinely. I understand that there will be times of stress and negativity that will arise in the future but I can’t let that determine how I am today. I will remain open-minded, positive, vigilant and prepared to deal with problems when they arise.
Finally, I strive to live my life using the Seven Cardinal Rules, as listed below. Here’s to continued gratitude, love, peace, joy, and positivity!
Seven Cardinal Rules of Life
Make peace with your past so it won’t disturb your present.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Time heals almost everything. Give it time.
No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.
Don’t compare your life to others and don’t just them. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
Stop thinking too much. It’s alright not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.
Smile. You don’t own all the problems in the world.
On June 22 I will be participating in the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk – an extraordinary event where participants from all over the country join together to walk 16-18 miles over the course of one night. I’m fundraising to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Net proceeds will help those affected by suicide and mental health conditions by supporting research, advocacy, survivor resources, education, and awareness programs. AFSP has set a bold goal to reduce the suicide rate 20% by the year 2025, and I’m proud to be part of that mission.
I will be traveling to Boston, MA to walk with my very good friend, Chris Thibdeau, who has also been affected by suicide. Our goal is to raise a combined minimum of $2000 to help with awareness, training, and education.
As many of you know, my mother, Trudy Laux, committed suicide in 1986 when I was just 11 years old. This single tragic life event has made an enormous impact on my life. For nearly 30 years I struggled with so many insecurities, not really knowing how to cope with her death.
I suffered in disguise and only the very closest people to me knew my true pain. Many people didn’t know anything about what had happened as it wasn’t something that was really discussed in the ’80s. There were so many emotions along the way — guilt, sorrow, anger, remorse, and even thoughts of taking my own life. Upon entering college, I masked my pain and suffering by focusing on my career. I maintained a focused drive to become the very best teacher and person I could. Of course, I made both minor and major personal and professional mistakes along the way. I was missing something and didn’t know what it was.
I thought I had control of everything then in 2015 I found myself in the middle of so many things — perhaps life had become a bit more than I could handle. I was in a demanding job as a college professor while serving as a frequent presenter/guest conductor. I was also writing my Ph.D. dissertation on a strict timeline and remained active an involved dad (coaching baseball, etc). There were also major problems within my marriage that became out of my hands. I had done all I could.
In March of 2016, I nearly met my breaking point and had a panic attack that brought paramedics to my home. I somehow made it through! This is an example of how good counseling makes an impact — along with keeping an open, positive, and strong mind. For the rest of 2016, there were many changes, some voluntary and some choices were made for me. First, I made the choice to change jobs back to teaching public school (my true love). This made me happy at work every day. I continued building a tight relationship with my two boys and focused even more on their care. I also decided to nearly eliminate booking the extra gigs that involved travel. Later that year, the negativity that was present within the household had dismissed itself.
In 2017, my life and where it was going finally started to come into focus. There were some rough patches, especially going through a divorce, but this is where my best friends stepped in to help. I couldn’t have done it without them!
I am now at peace with my mother’s passing and am on a mission to support those who have been victims of suicide and help others develop suicide awareness. I want to be a positive role model for my boys, my students, and society.
Suicide has not only taken my mother, but I also lost a close friend, Robert James; a colleague and parent of my former students, Carol Jackson; and most recently in 2017, one of my Alpharetta High School Orchestra students.
Our society can do better to help stop suicide. Every life lost to suicide is tragic and impacts the lives of so many people. Please help me raise this money as I will walk from dusk until dawn to pay tribute to my mother, Trudy, my friend Robert, my colleague Carol, and my beloved orchestra student.
Thank you for your support in a cause I believe in. Together we can save lives and bring hope to those affected by suicide.
Every so often I get Facebook or Google photo notifications that ask me to look back at a past event or particular day from the past. Most of the time I ignore these type of notifications, but occasionally I do click on them to look back and reminisce. Recently Google asked me to look back at photos from three years ago (2015) and so I did. After looking at some of the photos and thinking about some of the situations surrounding my life at the time, I know how much happier I am in my current life. Over the last year I have reached a place in my life that brings me peace, love, and joy. I have associated with the most amazing people and have had some incredible experiences that will be forever memorable.
While some of the events in my life over the last few years were extremely difficult and not my choice, I now know it was all part of God’s plan to make me stronger. I am now much stronger and am more grateful than ever for my family, friends, and career. I have thrown away the trash of the past and am only looking forward. It’s an exciting time to be me and I can’t wait for every tomorrow.
On a regular basis, and particularly at every major life-changing event, I find it beneficial to take some time to reflect and think about how I can make my life better and how I can work to become a stronger person. I want to be my very best for myself, my two amazing boys, my friends and family, and my students.
Full disclaimer: This blog post is not meant to be a sermon, but rather a way for me to share some of the things I value. I acknowledge the mistakes I’ve made and understand that I will I never be “perfect.” After all, I am human! But I am continuously trying to improve to make the best choices for my life so that I can do the “right thing.” I strongly believe in karma, and know that it has come back to bite me after I have made a bad choice. Sometimes karma happens instantly, but other times it takes a while. Sooner or later your poor choices will catch up with you!
Below are some core values of which I feel strongly. Core values should guide our behaviors, decisions, and action in life. When you understand what you value, you can live in accord with those values. This can lead to greater fulfillment and, ultimately, joy. I hope my list may help you think about what you value. These are in no particular order…
1. Honesty
I want to be honest and open with my friends, family, colleagues and loved ones. Honesty truly is the best policy! Lying, cheating, and being deceptive are evil and will only bring bad karma, regardless of how big or small.
2. Kindness
I want to be a kind person and treat all people with respect, particularly with those who I may not always agree with. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions. I hope to treat others as I would like to be treated.
3. Passion
I aim to be passionate about my life and work. In my career, I work hard and strive to be good at what I do. Please remember that if your job always feels like work, then you are in the wrong profession. Find something else to do!
4. Positivity
I try to associate with only good people! I avoid being around negative people who bring me down. If I must be around negative people, I limit my interactions as much as possible. Associating oneself with good people will help you carry only the most positive vibes.
5. Ethical
As a father and educator I want to set the example for my children and my students by making good personal and professional choices. While I’m not especially religious, I feel that being ethics are extremely important. Being ethical is a strong indicator of who you really are.
6. Persistence
It’s not always easy to find the right solution, but giving things time and being persistent will allow you to solve problems. While it may be easier to run away from from your problems, don’t. I don’t ever give up and make it a point to stay focused and on my chosen path!
7. Empathy
Being more empathetic is something that has helped me become a much better person. Try putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and think about how your choices and actions will impact other people. It is important to note, however, that you must first take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of others.
8. Gratitude
As mentioned in my previous post, I am extremely grateful for my life and everyone in it. Even though my life has been far from “perfect,” I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything happens for a reason.
9. Communication
I feel that strong communication is a prerequisite for any successful friendship or relationship. When people fail to communicate openly and honestly, the relationship is doomed. Be open and honest with whom you interact.
10. Responsibility
Responsibility comes in many forms. I strive to be an outstanding father, homemaker, teacher, coach, and friend. This takes a lot of personal responsibility. I make sure to take responsibility for my actions and don’t blame others for my problems and mistakes! Everyone makes mistakes throughout their life — some big, some small, it’s important to continually self reflect and fess up to your mistakes. When you’ve made a mistake, own up to it then do all you can to make it right!
Things I try to avoid:
Jealousy
Please don’t be jealous of other’s personal or professional successes. Instead offer congratulations and choose to create a learning experience from those that have been successful. Also, stop being jealous of other’s material possessions. It really doesn’t matter what brands you wear, what kind of car you drive, and how others see you. It’s not about status or keeping up with the Joneses!!
Not Following Through
When you agree to something, follow through. Nobody likes a wishy-washy person. People who don’t follow through lose the trust and respect of others.
A Sense of Entitlement
A sense of entitlement means that someone thinks they deserve certain privileges. WRONG! Be accountable for your actions and stop carrying a sense of entitlement. Nobody owes you anything! If you want something, earn it by working for it. It is unfortunate how may people today feel they are owed something. Stop complaining, take action, and do something.
“If you compromise your core values, you go nowhere.”
― Roy T. Bennett
Thanks for reading! Again, I’m not here to “preach,” but I just wanted to put out there some of the things that I value. If some of these values hit home for you, please feel free to leave a comment. Sending my best to you all!
It has been some time since my last post and a lot has changed in my life both personally and professionally. Many changes have been for better, however there have been other changes that truly challenged me and were not always the easiest to accept. Changes are often influenced by choices you make for yourself, but sometimes changes simply happen by coincidence or are due to decisions made by others. When life circumstances change, you simply must deal with them and figure out what to do next.
Regardless of how difficult things may seem or unfair life may feel, I try to take a step back and reaffirm the things for which I am grateful. I always come to the realization that my problems are minuscule in the big picture of life and compared to what many other people endure. I have a great life and have been blessed with so much.
grat·i·tude
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
First and foremost, I am grateful for all of the people in my life — my family, friends, and colleagues. The people we are have in our lives are irreplaceable and we must keep them as our top priority. I am writing this post to show our appreciation for the people in my life. I want to sincerely thank everyone who has been a part of my life, regardless of how big or small.
“We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.”
― John F. Kennedy
I’m most grateful for my two sons. My boys are everything to me! I feel fortunate because all they are healthy, physically and emotionally. They bring me joy unlike I have ever experienced in my life. And, full disclosure, I am not saying that my boys are perfect angels – they are kids after all. And they are 110% boys!! But, I appreciate how my boys challenge me in so many different ways — helping make me more apathetic, understanding, patient, and allowing me to be a better person overall. It’s remarkable how they continuously surprise me with their kind thoughts and love. They are wild, crazy little boys and I love them.
I am grateful to have a home that provides me and my boys with a great place to live, play, and enjoy. I am grateful to have a job that allows me to provide for my family so that I can live comfortably. My teaching position at Alpharetta High School is especially rewarding because of my wonderful students and families, a friendly work environment, the generous support from my colleagues and administration, and the high level of music making I get to do on a daily basis.
Through persistence and hard work, I have been rewarded with an enjoyable and successful career teaching orchestra, performing, and conducting. I feel fortunate to have taught, presented, and conducted orchestras in many places across the nation. These diverse experiences allowed me to witness different cultures, lifestyles, philosophies, and teachings. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to work with and learn from some of the best pedagogues and orchestra teachers in the country. Of course, each time I moved on to a new location, my least favorite part was leaving great people. I dearly miss so many people, but I feel fortunate to have been able to keep in touch with most of them and I sincerely appreciate every friend I’ve met on this incredible journey.
I’ve been provided several unique career opportunities and am grateful for. Sometimes I feel that perhaps I was just in the right place at the right time and that I am not deserving of the opportunities I’ve been afforded. I cherish the experiences I’ve had in each place I have lived and worked.
I am thankful and grateful for each and every day and want be sure to not take anything for granted. Life is so short and there are still so many good things to experience.
“Be mindful. Be grateful. Be positive. Be true. Be kind.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Peace to each of you, and I hope to see you soon. Thanks for your continued support! I write this post with utmost gratitude.
Sometimes a single experience or event can completely alter the outcome of your life. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I had experience as a child that unquestionably completely changed my life. Thirty years ago today my mother committed suicide. I was just shy of turning 12 years old and my world was turned upside down.
My recollections of the specifics of July 15, 1986 are somewhat vague, but I do remember that it was a usual summer day. I remember riding my bike home from the local public swimming pool, along with my sister and cousin, only to arrive to my father who had an extremely somber look on his face. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I could tell it was something critical. Holding back his emotions the best he could, my father explained to us what had happened and we all broke down crying. The last thing I remember of that day is that I decided to take a long walk alone in the woods. The emotions that went through my head included sadness, fear, anger, and remorse. I had so many questions, many of which will never be answered.
For many years my mother’s death split my family apart and the slightest mention of my mother and her death started everyone crying. For me, the topic was taboo. I didn’t like to talk about it. Members of my family tried to point fingers and blame someone for what happened. There was a lot of anger and bitterness. Mainly though, everyone was very sad and the grieving period lasted a long time. My mother was an important part of her family, particularly when she was growing up. She was the oldest of five children and often served as a “second mother” and role model to her siblings. I remember her being thoughtful, loving, witty, and extremely intelligent. She was also a wonderful cook!
Growing up, I don’t think too many people outside of my family knew about what had happened. If they did, it wasn’t really brought up. In the 80’s, things were not as open as they are today. I sometimes felt that people would judge me if they knew what had happened, so I didn’t speak of it. I kept so much inside. I was never offered any type of counseling after this traumatic event and essentially coped with things on my own. As an adolescent, this was an extremely difficult task. In fact, the trauma disturbed me for a very long time and made an impact on the choices I made and how I dealt with different situations. After attending my very first counseling session just last November, I realized what a huge mistake I had been making by not seeing someone much earlier. I was carrying a huge amount of weight on my shoulders for nearly 30 years! I previously thought to myself that I would be a weak person if I sought out help. The truth is that everyone has moments when they are down however we shouldn’t be afraid to admit it and seek help from others, if necessary.
In my last blog post I discussed my internal mental drive to attempt to rise to “the top” of my profession. It may seem a bit strange, but I owe a majority of my professional drive to the loss of my mother. From the time she died, I vowed that I would be different. I asserted that I would be successful and overcome the odds that were then placed against me. (I didn’t as many of the musical opportunities growing up that my fellow colleagues had.)
In high school I worked to keep up my grades while holding a part time job and participating in some extra curricular activities like the Mentor Mannheim Orchestra. I practiced (not enough), and really wanted to take private lessons, which I did start when I was nearly 14. My father supported me, but there wasn’t really too much of a demand to hold high academic standards or be successful in school. I just made sure I was going to school, being prepared, doing my homework, etc. because I wanted to. I was never a straight A student, but did what I had to do. When I made up my mind to pursue music, again my father supported me, but the reality of actually making it happen was up to me.
“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”
― Steve Maraboli, from “Life, the Truth, and Being Free”
The loss of my mother has stirred many emotions and caused lots of different behaviors over the years. I experienced anger, frustration, anxiety, fear, loneliness, shame, resentment, and depression. However, on the positive side, I feel that I have been able to make the best out of the cards I have been dealt. I was forced to be more courageous, outgoing, dedicated, caring, and, most of all, grateful for what I have. I am extremely appreciative of the experiences I have been afforded.
“Gratitude is the single most important ingredient to living a successful and fulfilled life.”
I often wonder how much different would my life be if my mother were alive. How would I have turned out? Who would I be? Would I have a family? What would I be doing? My guess is that if my mother were alive, I would not have made the same life for myself. So, in many ways, I owe my mother more than I realize. While I wish that she were here today, (particularly to see my amazing boys!) I am thankful for my life. I’m always looking forward to the future, because best is still yet to come!
“It’s your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop” – Dieter F. Achtdorf
In closing, I would just like to say that it is crucial to cherish the time you have with your loved ones. Quality time can’t be taken for granted because our time is limited. There are never guarantees. Always make relationships with family and friends your first priority. And if life throws you for a loop and things aren’t right, talk to a friend or seek counseling as soon as possible. Don’t be afraid to discuss your feelings and definitely don’t hold your feelings inside.
“Life is so ironic. It takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence.”
