We’ve got this!

I’ve been a recreational runner for some time now and started running around 2006 as a way to get in shape, burn built-up energy, and relieve stress. Over the years I have increased my running ability, however, I have been on and off depending on work schedules, weather, family engagements, motivation, etc. When I was in high school, I could barely run a mile. Every time I would be forced to run “the mile” in gym class, I would end up walking a large portion of it. I always wondered how my friends could do it so easily and was envious that they would always finish before me. It turns out that running a mile straight was simply a feat I didn’t think I could accomplish. I simply never believed in myself that it was something I could do well. Since then, I’ve realized a lot about life and what it takes to accomplish goals. I know now that a lot of what it takes to achieve goals is having a proper mindset. Since I started running, I’ve been a lot more confident and, overall, healthier. I’ve kept up my motivation by registering for races that force me to stick with it, even when times are busy. 

I ran my first half marathon in 2015 and since then have run a lot more races, including the infamous “triple peach” series each year since then. The triple peach is the Peachtree Road Race, the world’s largest 10k held each fourth of July, the Atlanta 10 miler held each October, and the Thanksgiving Day Half Marathon. I just registered for my 6th Triple peach yesterday! There have been a few times where I haven’t been able to train properly, however, I have never skipped a race. Regardless of the circumstance (or excuse!), I would go out and run no matter what. My mental determination allows me to participate in a race, even a half marathon, without defined training. While this is not my preferred way to run, it says a lot about mindset. In high school, that single mile that used to give me anxiety and a feeling of hopelessness. Now, I can get up and run (maybe walk just a little) 13.1 miles without fear or hesitation. I know I can do it, and there isn’t much that can stop me. For me, it’s mind over matter. What is your “mile”? What are the roadblocks that are holding you back?

When I was going through some of the roughest times in my life a few years ago, I was in the best physical shape of my life. I was eating a lot less (stress-related), and working out and running a ton. But besides this, I had a drive toward fitness and running, because I didn’t really have anything else to focus on besides work and taking care of my boys. On the days that I didn’t have my boys, I would do yard work, work out, and work out more. I used exercising and playing my bass guitar as my therapy to get through tough times.

The other day I went for an early morning run running in my neighborhood. I was out before sunrise and was able to watch the sun creep up as I was completing my run. I love being able to do this! One of the first things that I realized about running in Georgia is that it is way more difficult compared to Ohio because of the hilly terrain. It can be quite a challenge. How I long for the day where I can run a half marathon on a FLAT course! I don’t like running up hills and never felt like I was good at it. Most recently, I haven’t been running as much as I would like so I’ve definitely been walking up most hills I’ve come across.

As we have been going through these uncertain times due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I thought to myself how the hills are symbolic of our lives and the ups and downs we have as we journey through it. During my run, I thought about all of the great moments I have had in my life professionally and personally. I thought about what I’ve been most proud of and what’s brought me joy. I also thought about some of the hardest moments and how difficult those times were for me. I looked back to times of fear, anger, disparity, and sorrow. Most importantly, I thought about how great I feel now because I was able to stay focused, stay positive, and worked to get through the hard times to triumph in the end. 

That day, I decided to run up every hill I came across. It was hard, but I pushed myself to do it. On several of the larger hills, I pushed even harder. I didn’t think I would be able to do it, but I did. When I got to the top of the hill I felt amazing. Tired, yes, but I felt like a winner and that I could accomplish anything. Side note: I always think about how Rocky felt when he finally was able to run up the stairs of the library in Philadelphia. While it may seem cheesy, if you know anything about me, I love the story of Rocky.  It has been an inspirational story for me and one that I consider an important parallel in my life. If you are feeling like you can’t do something, just watch Rocky.

I know my journey is not over. There will be times when things aren’t 100 percent good, but I am prepared to deal with them when they should arise. I know I will have my ups and downs, my good days and bad days, or, even sometimes, my good weeks and bad weeks. I am strong and will not let negativity take me down. I’m ready to continue the challenge!

Be Thankful

The most important thing we can do is to remain positive and thankful for what we DO have. Gratitude goes a long way. While I could easily get down and stay negative about not being able to work, canceled professional opportunities, or the cancelation of personal activities and travel, I instead have been focusing on the positive and trying to see the good in everything.

I am in a wonderful teaching position where I have fantastic students, great facilities and funding, supportive parents and administration, and colleagues who are fun and collaborative. While I am not able to attend my workplace, I am thankful that I belong to a school district that values distance learning and that we have been afforded the technology that makes learning online possible. I am working hard each day to be creative and collaborative to try to provide my students with opportunities that will motivate them and be enjoyable for them. It’s not the same as playing in orchestra class, but I am doing the best I can in this situation. 

I have a family that means everything to me. My two boys are healthy, happy, and a ton of fun. I have loved watching them grow physically and mentally and look forward to every opportunity I have to be with them. I’m so proud of who my boys are and the young men they will grow up to be. I also have a fiancé whom I love dearly. I learn something from her nearly every day and we are each other’s yin and yang, balancing each other’s emotions and temperament. Our wedding, scheduled for mid-April, had to be postponed due to COVID-19. It was tough to do this, and we lost a lot of sleep over the decision. But, we knew this was not the time that we wanted to celebrate coming together, and we certainly did not want to put any of our family at risk to be sick. We have learned that we need to be patient and let things happen as they will. God has a plan! We are excited about the future and have already made a plan to tie the knot in October. It will be worth the wait and I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with her!

The COVID-19 outbreak has turned all of our lives upside down. Much of what we knew as normal and took for granted is now forbidden. Some of the things that mean the most to us (spending time with others, congregating, etc.) are not allowed. While I am thankful for my immediate and extended family and friends are all healthy, it is tough not to be able to see them and have face-to-face conversations. Online chat just isn’t the same, but it’s helping. More on this later.

Be Resilient 

We will get through the pandemic of COVID-19 and will come out even stronger than we were in the past. The financial state of our country will recover. Most importantly, once this is over I am hoping people will come away even more appreciative of what they have, especially in regards to people and relationships. 

Social distancing is difficult! I have actually found that staying busy has been good therapy. I’m treating this time as an opportunity rather than a punishment. I have enjoyed learning new technology and creating new resources for my students and other string/orchestra teachers to use. I’ve had a lot more time for old-fashioned, low-tech family time that has been awesome – monopoly, chess, nerf guns. I’ve even picked up a book to read. This is NOT me!  (Note: I’m reading The Cycle of Self Empowerment by Dom Famularo. It’s really a great book and is giving me even more positive ideas.) I’ve spent a lot more time outside walking and in the yard. I’ve come up with new ideas for future projects. What opportunities are you taking? How are you spending your time? 

Family time!

I do understand that there are many people and families that are struggling to make ends meet right now. There are many out of work and paychecks have stopped. Kids are home from school, trying to adapt to learning remotely. In my virtual meetings with my students, I’ve received some tough questions that I really can’t answer. I really feel for my students because they are missing so much. Many of my students rely on attending school to provide personal fulfillment and now they are without it. I am particularly worried about my seniors. Events like their senior prom, their last spring concert, and their high school graduation are now in question. My heart breaks for them because I know they’ve been waiting for and looking forward to these moments for a long time. We are still uncertain about what the future will hold.

Many parents are trying to work from home while their children are attending school sessions. It is a stressful time and we are all trying to figure out what the new “normal” is all about and how we will make it work. We are uncertain about how long this will last and what life will look like when it is gone.  Will we be able to go back to how life used to be? Or will COVID-19 change life as we know it?

As I have mentioned before on this blog, staying positive and staying strong are the keys to getting through tough times. It is important to always seek out the positive and refrain from dwelling on the negative. We need to focus on what is good now without trying to compare it to what used to be. Also, we should not live in fear of the future. These things are not always easy to do, but if you really look deeply at your life, you can find and thrive on positivity. Staying positive will help everyone realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Seeking and Offering Assistance

The news is filled with negativity. While some of the information may be beneficial in keeping you and your family safe and healthy, if you spend your day watching the news or on social media, you might never realize the positive things that are right there in front of you. 

It is important to continue to have positive relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. Don’t be afraid to reach out (virtually!) to those who may be able to help you or to those whom you may be able to help. Over the last few weeks, I’ve met with students in large and small groups on Zoom and Google Meet. I’ve enjoyed answering their questions and, when necessary, playing/demonstrating for them. It’s nice to see their faces.

I’ve hung out with friends and colleagues online for virtual meetings and happy hours. While not the same as face-to-face interaction, these virtual meetings have helped fulfill my need to be with others and brought me joy.  As we continue our social distancing, I’m going to be reaching out to even more people to make sure they are okay and, in some cases, reconnect if it has been a while. Friends, feel free to reach out to me if you want to chat.

All of us need to stick together to get through this. I have hope and so should you. It is my hope that you will all stay safe, happy, and healthy. I wish you and your family the very best. We’ve got this!

I found this little sticky note on social media. It’s a good daily reference.

Reflecting on some of my core values

On a regular basis, and particularly at every major life-changing event, I find it beneficial to take some time to reflect and think about how I can make my life better and how I can work to become a stronger person. I want to be my very best for myself, my two amazing boys, my friends and family, and my students.

Full disclaimer: This blog post is not meant to be a sermon, but rather a way for me to share some of the things I value. I acknowledge the mistakes I’ve made and understand that I will I never be “perfect.”  After all, I am human!  But I am continuously trying to improve to make the best choices for my life so that I can do the “right thing.”  I strongly believe in karma, and know that it has come back to bite me after I have made a bad choice. Sometimes karma happens instantly, but other times it takes a while. Sooner or later your poor choices will catch up with you!

Below are some core values of which I feel strongly.  Core values should guide our behaviors, decisions, and action in life. When you understand what you value, you can live in accord with those values. This can lead to greater fulfillment and, ultimately, joy. I hope my list may help you think about what you value. These are in no particular order…

1. Honesty

I want to be honest and open with my friends, family, colleagues and loved ones. Honesty truly is the best policy! Lying, cheating, and being deceptive are evil and will only bring bad karma, regardless of how big or small.

2. Kindness

I want to be a kind person and treat all people with respect, particularly with those who I may not always agree with.  Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions.  I hope to treat others as I would like to be treated.

3. Passion

I aim to be passionate about my life and work. In my career, I work hard and strive to be good at what I do.   Please remember that if your job always feels like work, then you are in the wrong profession. Find something else to do!

4. Positivity

I try to associate with only good people! I avoid being around negative people who bring me down.  If I must be around negative people, I limit my interactions as much as possible.  Associating oneself with good people will help you carry only the most positive vibes.

5. Ethical

As a father and educator I want to set the example for my children and my students by making good personal and professional choices. While I’m not especially religious, I feel that being ethics are extremely important. Being ethical is a strong indicator of who you really are.

6. Persistence

It’s not always easy  to find the right solution, but giving things time and being persistent will allow you to solve problems. While it may be easier to run away from from your problems, don’t. I don’t ever give up and make it a point to stay focused and on my chosen path!

7. Empathy 

Being more empathetic is something that has helped me become a much better person.  Try putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and think about how your choices and actions will impact other people.  It is important to note, however, that you must first take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of others.

8. Gratitude

As mentioned in my previous post, I am extremely grateful for my life and everyone in it.  Even though my life has been far from “perfect,” I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything happens for a reason.

9. Communication

I feel that strong communication is a prerequisite for any successful friendship or relationship.  When people fail to communicate openly and honestly, the relationship is doomed.  Be open and honest with whom you interact.

10. Responsibility

Responsibility comes in many forms.  I strive to be an outstanding father, homemaker, teacher, coach, and friend.  This takes a lot of personal responsibility. I make sure to take responsibility for my actions and don’t blame others for my problems and mistakes! Everyone makes mistakes throughout their life — some big, some small, it’s important to continually self reflect and fess up to your mistakes.  When you’ve made a mistake, own up to it then do all you can to make it right!

Things I try to avoid:

Jealousy

Please don’t be jealous of other’s personal or professional successes. Instead offer congratulations and choose to create a learning experience from those that have been successful.  Also, stop being jealous of other’s material possessions.  It really doesn’t matter what brands you wear, what kind of car you drive, and how others see you.  It’s not about status or keeping up with the Joneses!!

Not Following Through

When you agree to something, follow through. Nobody likes a wishy-washy person. People who don’t follow through lose the trust and respect of others.

A Sense of Entitlement

A sense of entitlement means that someone thinks they deserve certain privileges. WRONG! Be accountable for your actions and stop carrying a sense of entitlement. Nobody owes you anything! If you want something, earn it by working for it. It is unfortunate how may people today feel they are owed something. Stop complaining, take action, and do something.

“If you compromise your core values, you go nowhere.”
― Roy T. Bennett

Thanks for reading!  Again, I’m not here to “preach,” but I just wanted to put out there some of the things that I value. If some of these values hit home for you, please feel free to leave a comment. Sending my best to you all!

Check out this great resource for a list of core values. http://www.threadsculture.com/blog/company-culture/core-values-list-threads/

Gratitude

 

It has been some time since my last post and a lot has changed in my life both personally and professionally. Many changes have been for better, however there have been other changes that truly challenged me and were not always the easiest to accept. Changes are often influenced by choices you make for yourself, but sometimes changes simply happen by coincidence or are due to decisions made by others. When life circumstances change, you simply must deal with them and figure out what to do next.

Regardless of how difficult things may seem or unfair life may feel, I try to take a step back and reaffirm the things for which I am grateful. I always come to the realization that my problems are minuscule in the big picture of life and compared to what many other people endure. I have a great life and have been blessed with so much.

grat·i·tude
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

 

First and foremost, I am grateful for all of the people in my life — my family, friends, and colleagues. The people we are have in our lives are irreplaceable and we must keep them as our top priority. I am writing this post to show our appreciation for the people in my life. I want to sincerely thank everyone who has been a part of my life, regardless of how big or small.

“We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.”
― John F. Kennedy

I’m most grateful for my two sons. My boys are everything to me! I feel fortunate because all they are healthy, physically and emotionally. They bring me joy unlike I have ever experienced in my life.  And, full disclosure, I am not saying that my boys are perfect angels – they are kids after all. And they are 110% boys!! But, I appreciate how my boys challenge me in so many different ways — helping make me more apathetic, understanding, patient, and allowing me to be a better person overall. It’s remarkable how they continuously surprise me with their kind thoughts and love.  They are wild, crazy little boys and I love them.

I am grateful to have a home that provides me and my boys with a great place to live, play, and enjoy. I am grateful to have a job that allows me to provide for my family so that I can live comfortably.  My teaching position at Alpharetta High School is especially rewarding because of my wonderful students and families, a friendly work environment, the generous support from my colleagues and administration, and the high level of music making I get to do on a daily basis.

Through persistence and hard work, I have been rewarded with an enjoyable and successful career teaching orchestra, performing, and conducting.  I feel fortunate to have taught, presented, and conducted orchestras in many places across the nation. These diverse experiences allowed me to witness different cultures, lifestyles, philosophies, and teachings.  I am grateful to have had the opportunity to work with and learn from some of the best pedagogues and orchestra teachers in the country.  Of course, each time I moved on to a new location,  my least favorite part was leaving great people. I dearly miss so many people, but I feel fortunate to have been able to keep in touch with most of them and I sincerely appreciate every friend I’ve met on this incredible journey.

I’ve been provided several unique career opportunities and am grateful for.  Sometimes I feel that perhaps I was just in the right place at the right time and that I am not deserving of the opportunities I’ve been afforded. I cherish the experiences I’ve had in each place I have lived and worked.

I am thankful and grateful for each and every day and want be sure to not take anything for granted. Life is so short and there are still so many good things to experience.

“Be mindful. Be grateful. Be positive. Be true. Be kind.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Peace to each of you, and I hope to see you soon.  Thanks for your continued support!  I write this post with utmost gratitude.

Against the Odds: Overcoming Adversity

momandmeSometimes a single experience or event can completely alter the outcome of your life. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I had experience as a child that unquestionably completely changed my life. Thirty years ago today my mother committed suicide. I was just shy of turning 12 years old and my world was turned upside down.

My recollections of the specifics of July 15, 1986 are somewhat vague, but I do remember that it was a usual summer day. I remember riding my bike home from the local public swimming pool, along with my sister and cousin, only to arrive to my father who had an extremely somber look on his face. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I could tell it was something critical. Holding back his emotions the best he could, my father explained to us what had happened and we all broke down crying. The last thing I remember of that day is that I decided to take a long walk alone in the woods. The emotions that went through my head included sadness, fear, anger, and remorse. I had so many questions, many of which will never be answered.

For many years my mother’s death split my family apart and the slightest mention of my mother and her death started everyone crying. For me, the topic was taboo. I didn’t like to talk about it. Members of my family tried to point fingers and blame someone for what happened. There was a lot of anger and bitterness. Mainly though, everyone was very sad and the grieving period lasted a long time. My mother was an important part of her family, particularly when she was growing up. She was the oldest of five children and often served as a “second mother” and role model to her siblings. I remember her being thoughtful, loving, witty, and extremely intelligent. She was also a wonderful cook!

Growing up, I don’t think too many people outside of my family knew about what had happened. If they did, it wasn’t really brought up. In the 80’s, things were not as open as they are today. I sometimes felt that people would judge me if they knew what had happened, so I didn’t speak of it. I kept so much inside. I was never offered any type of counseling after this traumatic event and essentially coped with things on my own. As an adolescent, this was an extremely difficult task. In fact, the trauma disturbed me for a very long time and made an impact on the choices I made and how I dealt with different situations. After attending my very first counseling session just last November, I realized what a huge mistake I had been making by not seeing someone much earlier. I was carrying a huge amount of weight on my shoulders for nearly 30 years! I previously thought to myself that I would be a weak person if I sought out help. The truth is that everyone has moments when they are down however we shouldn’t be afraid to admit it and seek help from others, if necessary.

In my last blog post I discussed my internal mental drive to attempt to rise to “the top” of my profession. It may seem a bit strange, but I owe a majority of my professional drive to the loss of my mother. From the time she died, I vowed that I would be different. I asserted that I would be successful and overcome the odds that were then placed against me. (I didn’t as many of the musical opportunities growing up that my fellow colleagues had.)

In high school I worked to keep up my grades while holding a part time job and participating in some extra curricular activities like the Mentor Mannheim Orchestra. I practiced (not enough), and really wanted to take private lessons, which I did start when I was nearly 14. My father supported me, but there wasn’t really too much of a demand to hold high academic standards or be successful in school. I just made sure I was going to school, being prepared, doing my homework, etc. because I wanted to. I was never a straight A student, but did what I had to do. When I made up my mind to pursue music, again my father supported me, but the reality of actually making it happen was up to me.

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”
― Steve Maraboli, from “Life, the Truth, and Being Free”

The loss of my mother has stirred many emotions and caused lots of different behaviors over the years. I experienced anger, frustration, anxiety, fear, loneliness, shame, resentment, and depression. However, on the positive side, I feel that I have been able to make the best out of the cards I have been dealt. I was forced to be more courageous, outgoing, dedicated, caring, and, most of all, grateful for what I have. I am extremely appreciative of the experiences I have been afforded.

“Gratitude is the single most important ingredient to living a successful and fulfilled life.”

I often wonder how much different would my life be if my mother were alive. How would I have turned out? Who would I be? Would I have a family? What would I be doing? My guess is that if my mother were alive, I would not have made the same life for myself. So, in many ways, I owe my mother more than I realize. While I wish that she were here today, (particularly to see my amazing boys!) I am thankful for my life. I’m always looking forward to the future, because best is still yet to come!

“It’s your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop” – Dieter F. Achtdorf

In closing, I would just like to say that it is crucial to cherish the time you have with your loved ones. Quality time can’t be taken for granted because our time is limited. There are never guarantees. Always make relationships with family and friends your first priority. And if life throws you for a loop and things aren’t right, talk to a friend or seek counseling as soon as possible. Don’t be afraid to discuss your feelings and definitely don’t hold your feelings inside.

“Life is so ironic. It takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence.”

RIP, Mom, and thank you.